Nothing about this post is safe for work. And I am not responsible for what happens when you click on the links. Which you should. Just not when your kids, your boss, or possibly your spouse are around.

Having said that, we’ll move onto today’s lesson.

Today, I stumbled upon the Tantra Chair. It’s a chair that you have sex on. (Theoretically, one could also do yoga on it, if one were so inclined.) And I’m going to tell you how they purveyors of a $1200 sex toy masquerading as furniture took me from “Are you out of your fucking mind?” to “Do you take PayPal?” in less than half an hour.

1. The testimonials.

Elle Magazine likes it. Men’s Health likes it. Playboy likes it. (Well, Playboy would, wouldn’t they?) The testimonials from real, live people refer to things like “lovingly made” and “attention to detail” and “fine craftmanship”. This, darlings, is social proof, and you’re going to need it if you’re selling something that makes people say “what the fuck?” (Woowoo service providers and newly minted alternative life coaches, I’m talking to you.)

2. The pictures.

They have pictures of happy people and pictures of the chair looking at home in an upscale condominium living room. They have pictures of all the different finishes. And they have pictures of all of the different positions you can try. Like, photographs. With models. If you can show pictures of naked people having sex when you’re selling your product, it’s a good idea to do so. Good pictures are vital. Etsy people, take note.

3. Their About page.

If I’m going to drop more than a thousand bucks on a sex toy, I want to know these guys are the real deal. Go check out their About page. It’s the kind of thing you’d find at a zen retreat, not a sex emporium. It’s the kind of thing I’d show to my mom. (Hi Mom.) Your About page is not about what you sell. It’s about what you represent.

4. The options.

This is not a one-size-fits-all sex chair. It’s a piece of fine furniture, and they sell it as such. You can pick the color of the leather. (Is it leather? Not sure.) You can pick the color of the little studs that smash the leather into the wood. The colors have names that other, non-sex furniture comes in. I do not feel icky.

All that stuff is lovely, but all it does is show me that SOMEONE might like the chair, not that I would like the chair. Up until this point, I know longer find the idea completely ludicrous but it’s sure as shit not something I’m dropping nearly two grand on, when you consider that somebody’s going to have to get this monstrosity to my house. Which brings us to the clincher…

5. The videos.

Videos. Plural. Of a real, live, very attractive couple using the chair. I would love to describe the videos but frankly, words fail me. This is not for the faint of heart. But if you can, I really recommend you check them out. What these things show is that the lovely people at Tantra Chair know something very important. They know they’re not selling furniture. They’re not selling sex.

They’re selling you a better life.

They couldn’t have done that without the videos. Not as well as they did. They could have explained. They could’ve given dozens more testimonials. They could have talked and talked about the benefits of their product. But those would’ve just made them seem like something between Clayton Makepeace and Billy Mays.

Sometimes, you just gotta show people what your product can do for them.